Anxiety and Panic

I have two more days to finish a costume and I have alot to do....I`m feeling so down on myself... I have to pull myself together......I must not sabotage this great fun for me!!!!.
I can have fun there by myself . know I don`t need others approval but it is a hard habbit to break. I have to go for me with myself because thats what I`ve got

someone who was my friend probably my best friend as a child.  is now my competition. She is just so much better at everything, I can`t even begin to compete with her. She has life and people figured out, plays them like I have never seen before or since, want just a moment of her time and approval. Everyone adores the 30 year old virgin , so cunning ,tiny and witty.  Just found out she is going to be there... and it feels like I`m going to run in to an ex O.o and that is not the relationship I had with her, maybe I did love her but she grew tired of me.

alot of people I thought were my friends are not, when the relationship is examined they only want you around if you have something of psychical value to give them.... Hold the show if you ask something of them .... those people arn`t friends and I don`t want to cling to that anymore. It was more the 10 years ago that we were what you would call friends and I have just been Clinging on to a corpse of friendship, there is no life left in there....

and they are turning in to crabby grouchy old people and they are to young for that and I`m esp to young for that I want to have fun I`m alive and healthy!.
I don`t want to need to feel like I have something to prove for them to be my friend; I`m fun, nice, kind, giving .. they are the ones missing out and I don`t care to play that game anymore .......

anyone wants to help me I like help!

Im having brain-smash-crash I need opinion on my  costume i.e what color to go with should.
I wear shorts even if I`m over weight because it goes with the idea? or should I go with pants I already have?  

HELP me Jesus save me Tom Cruise  someone please !